GETTING TO GRIPS WITH MOTHERHOOD

Eden is now approaching 12 weeks, the age at which babies and mothers are supposdly getting used to each other and understanding each other better. Tell me 6 weeks ago that I would ever be at a stage when I would actually enjoy being with Eden for most of the time and I might not have believed you! My experience of motherhood so far has not been what I expected. Just as I believed - in fine coach-like manner - that my birth would be calm, relaxed and almost blissful, I was also under a severe misapprehension that surely my baby would be calm, placid and easy to spend time with. Well, she wasn't and I expect that possibly no baby is in the early weeks. I realise that I had completely unrealistic expectations about how much I could control the situation and had to learn to go with the flow and accept that my new life as a mother was more difficult and frustrating than I had thought it would be. The first month passed in a blur of tears, anxiety, frustration and occasional hyper-euphoria. It was truly terrible. Because Eden cried and cried and most of the time I did not know what she wanted. I could not comfort her, I was exhausted from broken sleep every night and I was trying to work out breastfeeding and getting through the pain barrier. I was horrified when I had to spend all day with her alone. I thought that cuddling was enough to stop a baby crying but it so isn't at the beginning. I thought I would be more patient, even-tempered and calm. Really, I was very seldom any of those things. Other mothers that I speak to report comfortingly similar descriptions of the horror of the first month. Eden first smiled occasionally at 3 weeks and started to babble and coo and give ridiculously big gummy smiles in her fifth week. This is the beginning of the turning point for me: being able to say to myself, yes I have done something right. She is smiling at me is a great thing - communication had begun. Now is a real chatterer and a smiler extraordinaire. Most of the time I can work out what she needs and she actually lets me and Simon spend the evening together rather than roaming around our falt with Eden in a baby sling, whilst we desperately try to prevent her crying. I have discovered how much being a mum brings you, effortlessly, a whole new social circle of people in exactly the same situation as you are and how valuable this support and sharing is. There are baby groups, coffee mornings, music groups, swimming classes - so many ways to get out of the house, eat cakes and sit around chatting. It has been a humbling experience; the realisation that I am not so unflappable, that there are so many ways to learn from other women and also exciting when I gained the confidence to understand that I am the best mother that Eden could ever have. I am now ejoying Eden so much more. It is true that there are very few experiences as blissful and fulfilling as looking at your sleeping child and feeling full of love. There will be more photos on the blog soon and much more blogging in the future.

Comments

[Nick Siddle]

Belated many congratulations to you both. A brilliant description of the realities of parenthood. INterestigly my experience is that the initial relationship-building stage you describe is still dificult with every additional new person in the family, albeit less anxiety provoking and less threatening to one's self esteem. Sounds like you can celebrate on all accounts.
Nick Siddle

[Moobs]

Sound's like it is all going to (the Almighty's bewilderingly knackering) plan.

Congratulations