If you would like to feel more in touch with your own adn your partner's sexuality, massage is a fantstic way to reconnect and slow down your sexuality. Many unsatisfactory sexual routines evolve when people get into the habit of rushing into sex. Desire become frenetic and expressed in snatched moments of time. Sex becomes more about orgasm than pleasure. Massage can help. Sadly many clients groan when they hear this! Why? |
Because massage has become a bit of a cliche when it comes to sexual reawakening. It has become an important part of sex therapy and coaching interventions because it works. It makes you adjust your sexual style and encourages you to be more intimate and involved with your sexual partner. If you do not have a sexual partner, you can gain by massaging yourself and your own genitals. Wake up to the power of touch. Massage is not only for couples experiencing lack of fulfilment. It can help any couple find out more about their own and their partner's sexual response.
I'm not going to tell you exactly what to do - that would take all the fun out of it. All you need is somewhere quiet and some massage oil (really does help your hands slide along your own or your partner's skin). The only thing that is non-negotiable is that each of you does have a turn being massaged and giving the massage. I would say that doing this on alternate days is best - so you can take turns on each day in each different role.
The aim of the massage is to start by touching the non-obvious areas, the areas that you may not usually touch sexually. Ask for and give feedback. It helps the giver to know what feels really good. Ignore the genitals at first as this exercise is all about taking time to savour the pleasure of touch. You have not failed if neither of you becomes sexually excited. The exercise is about intimacy and communication not about orgasm and arousal. Each person and couple will be at a different stage of dealing with desire or lack of desire so each experience will reflect this. Experiment with different types (speed, pressure etc) of strokes. As a rule of thumb, the longer you can wait until you touch the gentials and erogenous zones, the better. Teasing and anticipating pleasure prolongs and allows sexual tension to mount to almost unbearable desgrees. Treat your partner's penis or vagina as if you were exploring it for the very first time. Instead of seeing it as only a sexual organ, look at and touch each part of it, caressing and stroking slowly and consistently. If neither of you are feeling sexual, keep massaging and touching his/her genitals. Just because there may not always be arousal, this does not mean that there is no pleasure.
Sensual massage is very powerful exercise that comunicates to your partner I want to spend time giving you sensual and/or sexual pleasure. What you have done is taken the first steps to connecting with your partner and/or yourself.
If you feel that you have no interest in touching your partner at all, then such a loss of desire points to factors within yourself and your relationship that needs to be identified and addressed before you can start to reconnect to your sexuality.
Comments